I mean really! Oh Yea. I am of course talking about old Mr. Smarty Pants Punxsutawney Phil. You know, “the Seer of Seers, The Prognosticator of…” blah blah blah !
This year he has completely misled us into thinking that Spring would be just around the corner. He has totally missed the signs of the 6 PLUS additional weeks of winter that all of us who live anywhere from Kansas to Maine in the U.S. have had to deal with.
Most years that varmint will just play it safe and shout out “six more weeks of winter”. “Oh Great. Not what we wanted to hear” we all grumble. “That’s what you declared LAST year!” And he has been pretty much right on the money.
Now I don’t have anything personal against of Punx Phil, even though He just sits over there in Pennsylvania collecting his royalty checks from Bill Murry. But the only thing this overstuffed rodent ever has to do is once a year, make his Grand Entrance, and look for his shadow. Not too hard by my book.
I do remember on one occasion though a while back he had to work for a whole month. He just kept popping out day after day for a whole month doing the same thing over and over, I think the vicious cycle finally ended when they fixed that pot hole that the weather guy Phil Conners kept stepping in………. But I got off track – Ahem where was I…..
It is pretty much a given around the these parts of the mid-west that there ain’t much hope of an early Spring. But after all the cold and snow of November, December and January, by February we are all so hungry for some warmth, vitamin D and sunshine. We want to take as gospel the prediction of NO MORE SNOW, NO MORE COLD, because we all have the blues from lack of sunshine, Christmas bills, chills, and hibernating, (ourselves and all our friends).
Weeaalllll, this year old Mr. Smarty Pants Punxsutawney Phil decided to change his tune and he predicted an early spring.
To WHITT: Two days ago was the official first day of spring. When I got up to go to work on Thursday the outdoor temperature in my neighborhood was a Frosty 18 degrees. And today, Friday, it was again 18 degrees PLUS I had snow on my car.
And to make matters worse, as of this afternoon we are NOW under a Winter Storm Warning with 6 to 10 inches of SNOW expected by Monday Morning. Does that sound like spring to You Phil? Huh? Huh? Huh?
You bet your Gobbler’s Knobb this ain’t Spring Weather! So in the words of Donald Trump- “YOU’RE FIRED!”
Your flippant Prognostication this year has cause thousands of people here in the midwest to become depressed, and cranky, and just down right Nasty. It’s bad enough the IRS is delaying all of our Tax refunds for some silly reason, but when a person is told that spring is coming soon and then we get snowstorm after snowstorm and gray day after gray day, well what else would you expect.
You really should be glad that we only want to terminate your employment. It seems you have made some folks in southern Ohio so angry they have issued an indictment against you and want to terminate YOU! I have heard the Ohio Governor’s office is considering an extradition order for your arrest. How to you like THEM apples?
So start Packing Groundhog! You’re Outta’ Hear!
O.k.! So who do we replace him with? I was considering the Eater Bunny, after all he Lives for spring, but the problem there is no one really knows where the Easter Bunny lives. I know he lives somewhere in a burrow underground somewhere, but he has managed to keep his exact location to his hutch a secret, so that idea is out I think.
I don’t think we want to encourage snakes to come out at all. And squirrels will just throw nut shells at your dog.
So I open up the application process to you faithful readers.
I entertain your suggestions on who we should get to replace that Lying Groundhog. If the Butler County Prosecutor has his way old Phil is a goner anyway.